Some days, I sit here, waiting for the phone to ring, with this gut feeling she might call, begging me to talk.
It’s a strange feeling; I have these rehearsal conversations where I go over everything I would say. This isn’t longing, and it’s not being stuck in the past. The conversation wouldn’t suit her anyway. Honestly, I don’t think she will ever call. I don’t believe she thinks she’s even done wrong. I don’t even want or need her to.

It’s empowering, knowing exactly how I’d respond. I’d tell her I don’t want to talk, that we have nothing to discuss. I’d remind her that I’ve already given her numerous chances. Each rehearsal validates me, proving I’m over her, past the worst, ready to move on.

If she did actually call, I probably wouldn’t even say all that. I’d likely ignore it… or simply hang up. But rehearsing what I would say helps me, motivates me, reinforces my mindset, and reminds me that I’m okay.

I know it’s normal to have these conversations—goodness knows I had plenty of them while I was with her—just trying to rationalise interactions, trying to make sense of them. Back then, those conversations never worked; I was always left confused.

I have this strange way of overanalysing everything, something I lost the ability to do while I was with her. Or if I tried, I just couldn’t make sense of anything. I didn’t trust my own mind. What’s more validating is that even now—maybe more than ever—I’ve got that back. I finally feel like I can trust my own mind again, trust my judgments and interactions.