So, the divorce application has come through. I half-suspected she was lying about it, but clearly not — and that’s fine.

I’m in a strange place with it though. I always knew this day would come, and I thought I was ready. In many ways, I am. But it’s bittersweet.

Whatever her feelings towards me were — whether they were real or just manipulation — my feelings for her were real. I loved her. If I’m honest, a small part of me probably still does. I’ve already been through the worst of the breakup, I’m building my life again, and I’m happier now. But the arrival of this letter has knocked me. It’s cemented something I already knew: this really is done.

I didn’t expect it to hit me this way. More than anything, it’s made me look back. I’m sad, and I think that’s okay. Sad because, even if none of it was genuine for her, it was for me. We shared a 22-year friendship, a 4-year relationship, a year of marriage. That’s not nothing. It’s the loss of friendship, love, family. A life we built, a future I once imagined.

And yet, I’ll be okay. In fact, I already am. There’s a lot I see clearly now that I didn’t then — things that weren’t right, things I accepted that I shouldn’t have. So as much as I mourn the parts I enjoyed, I also celebrate the loss of what weighed me down. The person I became in that relationship was not who I aspired to be. Now I get the chance to return to the old me — but wiser, stronger, shaped by what I’ve been through.

This blindsided me, yes. But it hasn’t broken me.