Healing after an abusive relationship is different.
It doesn’t come from acceptance or self-insight (Though acceptance of the reality is definitely important). Because whatever issues may have existed, whatever complexity you want to account for—ultimately, you weren’t the problem.

The problem was the abuser.

That’s true whether they were aware of their actions or not. They are the ones who are broken, damaged in ways they may or may not ever admit. On the surface, they can pretend everything is fine because they are very good at detaching from reality. They are exceptional at projecting false perceptions—onto others and onto the world.

So where does healing actually come from?

From rebuilding yourself. From remembering who you were before. From becoming the person they tried to erase. From rebuilding the friendships they worked so hard to destroy—whether that means reconnecting with old friends or creating new ones. Healing comes from living outward again. Not for their sake. Not to spite them. But in spite of them.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions put too much pressure on intention. What I will do is make a promise to myself—first and foremost, to trust my intuition. If something feels wrong, it’s because it is. I don’t have to accept it. If something makes me unhappy, I will never again resist the urge to walk away.

The red flags were there all along. I just chose not to act on them.

Happy New Year. And here’s to everyone who made it through 2025.
We’re still here.