I want to talk directly to you. I need to explain some things.

You’re reading this blog — I don’t know why. But you are, I want you to know something:
Despite everything we’ve gone through over the past month, I’m still in love with you.

A couple of weeks ago, I sent some messages. Yes, they had an edge. Yes, I retracted them. Because I knew they weren’t necessary. That was my pain slipping through. You might not understand it, but that’s what I’ve been feeling — pain.
You’ve put me through hell.

But I don’t want to talk about your flaws. Those are yours to carry.
Let’s talk about mine.

Yes, I shouted sometimes.
Yes, we argued.
Yes, things got hard.
But that’s relationships. That’s love.
It’s not always neat and tidy — it gets messy, it gets tough. But couples work through that.
I know I became distant at times. That happens. But again — you work through it.
You don’t look for the exit the moment things get uncomfortable.

They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
And while you don’t seem to have that problem… I do.

Despite everything, I still feel like I’ve lost everything.
You weren’t just my wife — you were my best friend.
We had years of shared history. You don’t just wake up one day and shrug that off.
You might be able to pretend everything’s fine… but that says more about you than it ever could about me.

So yes — I’m still in love with you.
Yes — I’m still hurting.
Yes — I might still lash out sometimes.
But I’m not going to apologise for that. I don’t owe you that.
I don’t owe you anything.
I tried.
I failed.
But that was never a one-person job.

As for the claim that I’ve been causing arguments… no.
I haven’t messaged you to stir anything up.
Before I left the family home, I only ever wanted to fix things.
Since then, every message has been about the practicalities of separating.
If someone’s been looking for a fight, it wasn’t me.

I’m not telling you any of this with the idea of reconciliation. That couldn’t be further from what this is about. I don’t want reconciliation. I simply want understanding. I’m telling you this because you don’t seem to understand my behaviour. So, since you seemed to struggle with that. Now you know. Maybe now you might actually be able to show some humanity – some empathy, for the pain I am going through. If you’re even capable at this point, because from the outside looking in, you are so far removed from the person I knew. That’s not a dig, it’s just what I see.

Additionally, I am not posting this for a response or a reaction. This is not provocation. It’s just the truth. Even if you never read it… at least I said it.