I had a bit of a revelation today, and it’s one that took me far too long to realise.

When we decide to go no contact, we often do it with a quiet idea in the back of our minds: that the space will give them time to suddenly have an epiphany. The kind of moment where they think, “Oh my god… they’re not bothered anymore. What will I ever do?”

But the truth is, that isn’t really what no contact is about.

Sure, during that time they might come to some kind of realisation. They might reflect, they might not. But that part of it doesn’t actually matter. No contact isn’t for them. It’s for you.

For me, it gave me the space to realise something simple: I’m better off.

Not in the “I lived happily ever after” sense. Not even close. But from a mental health perspective, I’m good. And from a “I know what to expect when I get home” perspective… it’s fucking brilliant.

That might not be what it looks like for you. Everyone’s situation is different. But the principle still holds: no contact isn’t about them.

It isn’t about punishing them.

It’s about not punishing yourself.

I’m speaking mainly from the perspective of leaving an abusive relationship. But even if your relationship wasn’t abusive and you’ve chosen to go no contact, the same truth still applies.

No contact isn’t about changing them.

It’s about protecting yourself from them.