Yesterday (9/7/2025) was tough. Another olive branch rejected. (Personal email sent earlier in the week to say – yesterday would be the last opportunity of making amends) Another moment where I reached out with hope — and was met with indifference. But in that moment, I got the answer I needed.

And today… today feels brighter. Because now I know where I stand. And as painful as that is, I’ve accepted it.

I know there will be more hard days — days where I feel like I’m slipping backwards. I’ll probably circle around to the same thoughts again. And yeah, I know I’ve repeated myself across these posts. But that’s part of the process. Healing isn’t neat or linear. Sometimes it loops, and sometimes you just must keep walking the same path until it finally leads somewhere new.

I’m writing all of this for me — to get it out of my head and heart — but if anyone else reads it and sees a bit of themselves in it, maybe they’ll feel less alone. Maybe the repetition, the pain, the effort to find clarity — maybe it’ll feel familiar. And maybe that brings some kind of comfort.

I’m doing the work. I’m receiving counselling. Honestly, I’ve never really been one for it — not properly — but I want to give it everything this time. I know I have things to unpack. Old relationship wounds I never truly healed from. Patterns in myself I want to break. Defensiveness, shutting down, raising my voice when I feel cornered… I don’t want to carry that into my future.

I want to learn from this. I want to be better — for myself, and for the people in my life going forward.

I’m not all the way there yet. But I’m almost OK.

And soon, I’ll be better than that.