It’s been over a month since I was at my lowest point. Since then, it’s been a bit of a ride—three weeks where I could barely function, followed by a few ups along the way.

But the last three days have been tough. I’ve tried to see the positive in it, tried to pull myself out, but I’m still stuck in this negative headspace. Invasive thoughts creep in, and it feels like I just can’t shake them.

I think sometimes we fall into a false sense of security. We start to believe, oh, I’m good now. And then, without anything really happening, you hit a wall and it all comes back. Not as painful as before, not as raw, but still heavy. I’m managing the basics—I’m getting up, going to work, getting through my day. But I feel like I’m only there in body, not in spirit.

I know this will pass. It always does. The thoughts aren’t forever, and they’re not something I’d act on. For me, they’ve always been a kind of background noise, something I’ve lived with for as long as I can remember.

This isn’t a post for sympathy or concern. It’s just me being honest about where my head’s been for the last three days. Saying it out loud makes it real, and once it’s real, I can start to process it.

What really gets me is how insane it all feels sometimes. How someone can question my love, my loyalty, my commitment—even my emotional intelligence—when I’m here, completely broken. All the while, they lied, they cheated, they made false accusations, they stole, they abused.

But the truth is, they don’t doubt me. Not really. Maybe they did once, but everything since then has been projection. Everything they accused me of, they did. Everything they blame me for now—it’s their own guilt and shame reflecting back at them. They can’t face it, so they play the victim and run from it.

As hurtful as it is, my only real option is not to take it so personally. To allow it, to let it pass. I’m not going to engage. I’m done defending myself. Reasoning with them is impossible.

The people I need are the people who know.